Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
