I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
