got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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