I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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