Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
