I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
