Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sarcasm needs its own font
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
