I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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