just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The struggles of a small town man whore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
