We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
