we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
