so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
