If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
