i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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