I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
