Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
