Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
