the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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