I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
