she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize