i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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