i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
