Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
