She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
