I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
