Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
