I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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