I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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