with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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