i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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