Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
