i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
