Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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