Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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