whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize