Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
