Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
