i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
