My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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