My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
