It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
