Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
