Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
