I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
