she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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