Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
