I heard we made out
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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