doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
