TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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