So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
