Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize