Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
