ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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