Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
