Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
As shirtless as possible
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
