Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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