I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
