she woke up with a sticky ear
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
