I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
