My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
